Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
When you ask God to answer a prayer just remember He will more than likely NOT answer it the way you expect Him too or want Him too. Three days ago...Everything seemed to come crumbling down. All of this on top of the fact that my husband was leaving for Afghanistan today.
First we get news that we are not going to be receiving food benefits from the state, then my ex husband calls me to start his usual junk, trying to get out of his responsibilities by being sneaky and after some investigation the truth comes out, he’s lost his job, moving out of Nevada and will not be paying child support…again at least until he finds another job (yeah right!). Well my personal and exhausting experience with my ex husband is that I have to drag him to court repeatedly (hard to do out of state) in order for him to do the right thing. So now we are out of more income. Then, and this takes the cake, we find out through the grape vine that my husband’s older children have been removed from their home in Vegas by CPS (Child protective services) due to their living conditions. This is funny too because my husband has been trying to get CPS to do their job for months now. Did CPS contact my husband, nope. His children are in the temporary custody of their mother’s mom. So now and with resistance from his ex’s family, my husband and I have spent the last three days running around like monkeys on crack getting legal documents in order so we can pursue full custody of his children. That of course means telephonic court hearings for my husband in Afghanistan and lots and lots of work added to my plate here. I love his children like my own and I know that they need to be here in order to be properly taken care of, but this is a very hard situation. I expect, but am praying against a hardened heart on their part, I want them to understand how much we care about them, but they have been seriously brain washed against us. This also means that they will be living with just me and my children until my husband returns and I do not want to be thought of as the evil step mom, I just want to help and nurture them, but I am not a fool.
So instead of loving on each other and spending quality time with each other until my husband left today, we maybe had two hours of real him and me time and I won’t see him again until his two week R & R in November or December.
I am blessed!!!!
Yes, I said it, I may not be the happiest camper right now and may have more stress than that of five Wall Street brokers, but I am blessed! You see, God has answered my prayers. His children are finally out of that so called house and even though it’s going to be a process, it will be okay. We didn’t have the money for any of this and through hours of paper work and Army finance meetings, we got approved for an emergency loan from the Army to take care of the matters at hand including a voucher to fix my A/C (PRAISE JESUS) in my faithful hoopty ride which should be fixed by Wednesday at the latest. So you see, in my storm and unclear tides, God threw me a huge life preserver…again! God is good and I know that will never change. Yes, I’m behind in school and this means I’ll have to go through housing to get a bigger house for the children and a couple of months of extra running around and preparation, but I know my God Carries us! I’m a wreck, a true to life, desperately in love and in need of God, clinging to my cross Christian, but my God loves me and holds me and I know He will NEVER let me go.
I go to legal on Tuesday, please pray for us, for this and my husband’s continuous protection, wisdom, salvation and prosperity. I’m so glad I have brothers and sisters in Christ I can be this honest with, God bless and keep your heads up. This is just a small testimony to the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE God has shown me, but believe me when I tell you; He is MORE than able to do the same for you too!!
Monday, April 18, 2011
‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’
My name is Christina Blythe formerly known as BBW porn actress Christy Minx. My life as a little girl was almost like any other little girl, I loved to play with my dolls, be creative and play dress up. I was raised by my mom and grandmother, they were everything to me, they were all I had, but our happy home was soon to be disrupted and corrupted in unforgettable ways.
When I was three my mother introduced me to the man that would eventually become my step dad. My heart leapt for joy, finally I was going to have a daddy, I wanted his love, affection and approval so much, and boy I tried to love my step dad with all my heart. It wasn’t long before I was calling him daddy. When he was around all I wanted was for him to play with me or pick me up, sometimes I would even pretend my feet hurt just so he would hold me.
My dream was viciously shattered and the nightmare began when I was 5, right after my mother gave birth to his twins. Overnight my daddy stopped paying attention to me and it seemed like I didn't exist, I became nothing more than an unwanted ghost. One day him and I where alone and I said something that pissed him off, his eyes turned blood shot red and he was coming toward me, I started to walk backward and fell. My daddy didn’t console me like I thought he would, he never made amends for hurting me so badly, I felt betrayed and scared. From that day forward I knew I could never trust him again. That same year he became very abusive, punching me in the face and grabbing me by my hair over anything and everything, every opportunity was a good opportunity for him to lash out on me. One incident of abuse happened when we in California walking down a board walk, I foolishly challenged his authority like most kids crying out for help will do, he immediately charged me, grabbed me by my hair and cold heartedly slammed my face into a brick wall. There were lots of people around and no one did a thing, I began to think abuse was normal, I hated life.
Things really got crazy when I turned eight. Did I mention I was sent to the counselor for drawing evil pictures? I call that anger build up! I always thought I was ugly and fat; I hid underneath my baggy pants and 'too big' t-shirts to hide my body and low self-esteem. My step dad knew how I felt and thrived off of my negative emotions. He would take food out of my hands and tell me I didn’t need to eat. On a good night he would only take some food off of my plate and still leave me with something. He was really good with verbally abusing me too. Did I mention that I'm a fucking liar? That was of course according to my step dad. He would tell my mom I was making up lies when I told her the things he said and did behind her back, but she chose to believe him over me. Not only was I fat, ugly and stupid, but now I was a 'fucking liar' on top of it all.
Fast forward a few years... I wasn't sexually insane or drugged out in high school. I resorted to poetry and books to hide my internal scars and never discussed my abuse, besides to me it was the norm now. Books and poetry helped ease my mind, but only for a moment. In high school I was known for my poetry and was often invited to come and share my work with random teachers, I was a good student. Although I lost my virginity in high school, it was with my boyfriend, I was by no means an extremely promiscuous teenage girl.
In 2006 at age 19 my life would change forever. Working at a local pharmacy was a low paying job but it paid the car note I had and allowed me to get my eyebrows waxed. I didn't and still don’t care about clothes much, it was always the smaller things that made me feel content. I kept my job for several months, but things became hard when I didn't play 'kiss ass' with the management. My job sucked, my home life sucked and so eventually I quit my job. It was close to Christmas and I was extremely depressed because I was broke, jobless and stuck in a shitty household. I stayed in my room and browsed Craigslist every day for random things. I first heard about the site from a person on the set of an indie film I had done some work on. It took me a while before I even clicked on the 'adult gigs' section, but eventually curiosity and desperation got the best of me and I clicked on it. I didn't respond to any of the 'make $5,000 or more a week’ ads until my step dad brutally hit me in the face again and I decided enough was enough.
I was already broken and felt like there was no hope for me. I planned my suicide out carefully, I chose a time and day that I was end my miserable life by drinking bleach. As time slowly crept closer to my 'suicide attempt' I just kept browsing different sections on Craigslist. I somehow ended back on 'adult gigs'. One particular ad stood out to me and I clicked it. Within minutes I was being invited to meet with a 'manager'. The same night he came and picked me up. Not only was he friendly, but I felt really relaxed around him and his partner. Within two hours of meeting him I was at his house having nude pictures taken for 'my new job'. He reassured me that I was going to make big bucks for 'modeling’. He handed me a cell phone and told me to answer the phone when it rang and so the pimp, prostitute relationship began.
The first time I received a call some creep was on the other end asking if I had lube so he could have anal sex with me. My 'manager' was listening in and told me not to solicit because I could go to jail, I didn't even know what that meant. After two nights of staying with my 'manager' and answering endless calls I made an excuse and he took me home. I never called back or spoke to him after that. I avoided all phone calls and prayed he wouldn’t show up at my house.
I couldn't sleep and my desperation was growing so I ended up browsing Craigslist again and ended back on 'adult gigs'. I clicked on an ad that stated 'female owned agency' and after reading all the details I called her, I mean if it was an agency owned by women surely they would protect and care for me right? Wrong! I was excited, this was it! I would be okay now and would be able to pay all my bills and have a good life. She made an appointment for me to come the next night and I did. At first I didn't know why I had to 'call once I got to certain cross streets', why couldn't I just get the address? Everything was so secretive, I didn’t feel as safe as I thought I would, but I needed the money. Once I arrived to the house I was shown the ropes and it seemed simple. She stressed the importance of condoms and safe sex. She was up front and honest with everything or so I thought, so I was comfortable. Within 45 minutes of being at her house I turned my first trick. I only kept 50% of what I made because I was using her room. I didn't even feel dirty or bad. In fact I felt like a rebel of some sort, I felt like I had control over my life again. I really felt like I belonged there and when we all called it a night I went home. I was both anxious and weirded out at the same time. The next day I got into an argument and my Mom had my step-dad come into my room and take my car keys by force. I was angry because even though it was in her name, I was the one made the down payment as well as the monthly payments and paid the car insurance. That night was the final straw, it took one final blow to the face from my step dad and no more, I was done.
Physically and emotionally drained, abused from the age of 5 to 19, I had enough, fuck it all, and fuck everyone!! I called my new manager in hysterics and I told her I had nowhere to go. The previous night she made it clear that she had a room for rent and would be willing to let an interested escort stay there, I thought I had just won the lottery. Between packing my things and almost getting thrown down a flight of stairs by my step dad, I managed to make it out to my manager’s car. By that time all the neighbors where outside watching the commotion. I was cursing and screaming and he came towards me, but surprisingly didn't hit me, instead he kicked my suitcase over and I called him a wife beater in front of everyone and it felt so good to publicly call him out for being such an asshole to me and my mother all those years, but my heart broke when I saw the tears streaming down my Mothers face, she was on her own now.
I was immediately comfortable in my new environment. I got along great with everyone and can even say I had a twisted love for my female pimp. She gave me a kind of love and friendship I never had before. Since I was living under her roof I only kept 30% of what I made from turning tricks. After a few months I got tired of giving up most of my money so I went on my own. Up until that point I had never been to jail so when I got arrested for the first time you can bet I cried like a baby. The second arrest was two months later and the third arrest didn’t come for another few years thanks to the year break from prostitution I had taken. After landing a shitty part time job and getting evicted I ended up living with a stranger. I think he caught on to the fact that I was 'working' from his house and kicked me out.
Working on my own became lonely and I would befriend anyone and everyone just to fill the empty void in my heart. I always watched comedy skits to help numb my sadness. Brief happiness is better than no happiness I thought. Random men and cross dressers and fetish freaks can only fill a void for so long, in the long run I was still all alone. I ended up leaving the prostitution world and went to stay with my Mom. It sucked but it wasn't too bad since step daddy dearest wasn't living there anymore. Living there only lasted so long before I went crazy and so I turned once again to my safety net, Craigslist.
I looked up 'BBW' and saw that there were a few recruiters for adult videos. I posted an ad with my picture under 'adult gigs' and I received a call from a man by the name of Dutch. He seemed like he was a nice guy and at first, made me feel at ease. In desperate need of money again I decided to do a blowjob scene. He had a partner named Ditto, it didn’t take too long to put two and two together, Ditto was his wife. I communicated with Ditto a few times on MySpace a few years prior, but never shot a video because I chickened out. They asked if I had papers and I told them I only had an aids test from a few months prior, but it was good enough for them. Looking back it makes me so angry to think that they never educated me about porn and the ramped STD’s in porn because I or the person I shot the scene with could have had a disease. That goes to show you that it's all about money in the porn industry, porn producers selfishly care about themselves and could give a rats ass about anyone else.
I shot a few scenes over the course of a few months and in between the shoots Dutch would call me and ask if he could pick me up and fuck me in the studio. Dutch would always tell me that his wife would never find out. I never ended up taking him up on that offer. After getting several MySpace messages by fans and being recognized around town, I could no longer bare seeing my ass every place I went. I was done, I was tired of being used by everyone and feeling like some random whore, I decided it was time to stop and make a change once and for all.
Luckily in the prostitution world I was only raped once. I know a few women that where cut up, shot or worse. In porn there have been many who took their own life or are infected with other diseases or worse have died from aids. Thankfully I'm still here, I'm alive and well, but I believe I'm forever scarred. This is only a part of my story, please help make a difference by reaching out to someone you know and before watching that next porn flick, think about the damaged and broken souls that live inside those naked bodies. Sex for money is not glamorous! I can only share my story and hope that it impacts at least one person to get help and change for the better and causes you to stop viewing pornography. I will forever be viewable on the World Wide Web and there is not a damn thing I can do about it, but I am no longer 'BBW Christy Minx', I am a young woman in recovery, seeking the truth and I refuse to give up my fight for a better life. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Thank you for sharing your story Christina, I'm praying for you and I know God will bless you if you stay the straight and narrow. Don't give up on Him and He will NEVER give up on you!
John 10:10 (NIV)10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they (YOU) may have life, and have it to the full.